It's not Terry's, it's not mine, it's yours.

Warren Street Station

The woman next to me has just sat down and taken out her phone. She's got an old iphone 3 like me and is on her notes app making a to do list.  It's called 'To do list before xmas' and is subdivided into various sections. The first, 'for the flat' has a list of all sorts of importing things:

fix the front door
fix the lights on the Christmas tree
fix the normal lights

The next part is called 'food stuff':

Throw out the moldy bread
Buy new bread
Raisins? [I wonder what the debate is? Maybe sultana's are an option? Perhaps she already has some?]

Other stuff:

Ignore bf for another 2 days
Wrap presents
Buy presents (for the bf?)  
Eat chocolate
Hide chocolate wrappers

It seems this woman has got all situations carefully timed and planned out, she doesn't look all that happy though.  But then people with lists never do look happy.  

Sitting opposite - a woman with a scowl on her face, glaring at everyone and full of hatred for all these people out for some Christmas shopping.  It is clear what the problem is though... She is holding a bag with a Terry's chocolate orange inside, and it is not for her.  She is considering the moment she hands it over, and the look of bitterness is quite apparent on her face.  I can just imagine her burning with rage as she writes "It's not terry's, it's not mine, it's for you." on the christmas tag. I sympathise with her. That's enough to make anyone upset.
I bet wee baby jesus would not condone Terry's selfish creation though, it clearly brings out the worst in people at such a time.  Maybe he will be sent to hell. And could you imagine if he is, we can only hope he takes the chocolate oranges with him.  It would smell amazing down there.  It be like one of these fancy spa places and you will be able to go and relax in a giant jacuzzi full of hot bubbly melted chocolate orange.  I suppose the ones in heaven would be cleaner though, so I guess it's not a reason to want to go there. 

Tweets on the underground.

It's a quiet tube today and I'm wondering about what people here might tweet about. 
@strawberryblonde is sitting opposite me wearing the most ridiculous baggy red trousers. ''wearing matching socks and trousers to go with my hair #santasbighelper.''
Sitting on either side of me @loudscreechingirls. "omg this tube journey is destroying my hair #tubewind #LOUD'
Kings cross: @toomiserableforlife gets on with a massive blue umbrella. He is sitting staring at the map trying to distract himself from his problems, perhaps trying to imagine each tube line as a different path for him to follow and wondering how he got in such a mess.  I wonder if his big blue umbrella is a cry for help. #cryingontheinside
Warren street: @timid42 is standing holding on to the pole by the door. Afraid to get in anyone's way he has opted not to take the spare seat in between 2 others, much like men would not use the urinal next to someone else if it can possibly be helped. @obnoxiousswede however is happy to take the spare seat and immediately sticks out his arms claiming both arm rests. 
As Oxford circus approaches its a scramble for the door whilst one person stands in everyones way, busy sorting her hair using her reflection in the window. @perfect_me uploaded a picture of her new hair cut with instagram. #newhaircut #givemeattention #ME.

Oyster Vintage

Finsbury park: Two old foreign woman sit munching on some foreign looking version of percy pigs whilst the man opposite consults a map. It's like google maps, but in book form! What an idea.  I wonder if they sell that as a vintage product.  He is now consulting a plastic wallet full of tickets, maps and other documents.  I wonder if he carries a phone book with him too. 

Supposing we all abandoned modern technology to go back to the old ways, how much would we actually need to carry?  We'd need some spare change for the phone box, a phone book (with landline numbers), a diary and a little map book perhaps.  For those wikipedia moments an encyclopedia would be essential as well as a reading book.  A pen, paper, possibly a pencil for those people arrogant enough to tell a friend that they'll 'pencil them in' like they are some sort of business meeting. (Playing it by ear is of course a different and acceptable form of flakiness).  You'd need cash and a cheque book.  Perhaps a walkman for playing some taped music on the go. A watch, that would be important, even if just to keep track on how late you are for meeting somebody. 

A big issue for tube travelers would be how they would cope once they've left the station with no GPS and useless map reading skills.  There would need to be a counseling service offered at some hotspot stations to cope with the mental breakdowns that would be inevitable in such situations.  Perhaps a peer mentoring system would work whereby you'd be paired with somebody looking for the same street as you.   The man with the map book seems sensible enough though, I think he'll make it out himself.  I can't say the same for the two old ladies who are having enough issues with their bag of sweets after what appears to have been a violent battle over who gets the last foreign percy pig. 

 
Obviously nowadays the mobile phone basically does all of that, not that you'd know it on the tube. What tfl have created without realising it is the 'vintage travel' experience.  Unless you are registered with virgin media, and able to enjoy 30 seconds worth of internet at every station, our modern technology is of little use.  Let's hope they never realise this otherwise like all the other old rubbish that gets labelled vintage and then sold for a ridiculous sum of money, Oyster Vintage could be an expensive experience!

Meanwhile a woman is drinking from a rectangular bottle. She probably believes that this water is somehow better than the water everyone else drinks and has no doubt paid a lot more for it.. This is what comes of earning lots of money perhaps.  She is certainly the type that carries a pencil with her.   

Oyster Talk

People sitting with a look of a misery, ready to snap if you stand in the wrong place or sit in the seat that you should have offered or spent too long staring at the map. We are generally not very supportive of each other on the underground.  Perhaps it's time for the 'Oyster Talk' scheme, which would put an end to these strange silences on the underground trains. The carriages could be themed.  There might be the 'I hate my job' carriage(s) where perhaps people can discuss and maybe even trade jobs with each other. There could be the 'I'm new to London and want to meet new friends' carriage, which could also be known as the 'speed dating carriage for losers.' (let's face it, if you actually planned to take a train journey just to meet new people, that would be weird, but quite useful in a way. ) There might be the 'shut up and get out of my way, I'm hungover' carriage, which could also be known as the quiet carriage.  You'd need separate carriages for husbands and wife's, perhaps even they'd be going in different directions depending on the extent of the relationship troubles.  The 'advice' carriage could be in the Middle. Everyone needs some advice and guidance now and again, imagine getting it from strangers in the middle of a train on a morning commute. It could become the ultimate support network for the general day to day things that we encounter.  A chance to talk and reflect on whatever it is that is on peoples minds.  Either it will make us a happier, well informed and advised bunch of commuters, or it would just spread doom and gloom. I suppose it depends if we are an overly optimistic or pessimistic nation. 

Obviously smelly people would be completely banned from the whole scheme. The oyster talk card might have a slogan 'shower before rush hour, or walk.' No, it's not catchy, but if it 'raises standards' then that's all good. 

The circle line would be completely dedicated to a different sort of person.  It will be for the likes of the person that comes up with these ridiculous adverts for BA (if I wanted a lemon, I'd probably just buy a lemon from the shop thanks),  call centre people, weather forecasters (except for Carol from BBC), tourists, people that get in the way and people that tweet more than 6 times a day.  You'd probably encourage people that blog to go there too although it would depend on the blog.  There would obviously need to be health considerations.  With that many annoying people confined into one tube line you'd probably need an exclusion zone for peak time. Actually, there is probably a good case for this being on one of the tube lines than runs deeper underground for sake of health and safety.  

Oyster Talk. Coming soon.  

 

TFL takes over the colours of the map, sending the rest of the world into darkness.

A woman just walked on at Kings Cross eating from a red bag of hulla hoops and what with the recent success for Cadbury gaining ownership of the colour purple that they use on their products, it made me wonder if soon someone will buy the colours red, green and blue to sell to brands such as Walkers. And just imagine if London underground starts claiming the rights to exclusive use of colours for their tube lines, the world once again will become black and white (assuming that nobody owns these already).  To think we are currently complain about paying for electricity and heating when the future will be paying for colour! Autumn will be an expensive month as tree's selfishly hijack a range of copyrighted colours.  

Maybe the future for tfl is brand named tube lines, the Piccadilly could become the Cadbury line, whilst the Hamersmith and city line becomes the lastminute.com line. If my crips plan goes ahead that would mean the ready salted line may soon be the new central, whilst cheese and onion will take over the district. "There are currently minor delays on the lastminute.com line due to a legal battle with walkers over the use of 'their' prawn cocktail colour pink. "

If they don't buy buy them up soon, tfl can expect to start fighting off many a legal battle as fools of the world snap up ownership of colours much like people apparently own acres of the moon. The sad thing is not only do we have morons in the world that try to do this, there are those that allow it to happen too.  Colour tax is inevitable, which is finally some good news for all those ugly 70's buildings, which would presumably be exempt from such a scheme.

Working life

Warren street: Fairly busy this afternoon, not much going on really but I have started to wonder to myself what everyone might do for a living. There are some obvious characters to start with. One girl is sitting frantically reading over a script, one of these actor types, I imagine she works in a Starbucks or perhaps one of these natural food shops, I have not yet met an actor in London that actually makes money from acting!  The man opposite is smartly dressed but wearing jeans. Quite possibly a graphic designer. 

Kings cross: A dazed looking man with fairly long grey curly hair gets on. I'm thinking gardner or perhaps he is a postman.  I hope he is more with it when is on his rounds. He looks reasonably trustworthy though. He might be one of the few to actually ring the bell and attempt to deliver your parcel rather than just post a 'sorry i missed you' card in the postbox.

The woman opposite him is obviously a hairdresser. She has the most ridiculous style I've seen, you'd think they would go for something that other people might like... the woman next to her however is smartly dressed with normal hair but looks vicious. Possibly a teacher, although I can't decide which subject she would teach.  Actually I think she might be a head teacher.  I doubt she is popular.  I wonder if she cares though.  Do these people really have feelings?  I don't think so.   

A small man just got on. He has a very round head and looks very untrustworthy. I can't really imagine him in any job but I am sure he has one, unlike the woman next to him who has obviously been out of work for a while, only by her own choice though.  I think she may have once worked in a bakery although not in London. She will have been full of all the gossip and would regularly talk about the weather, as we all do in the UK when there is nothing else to say.  I can just imagine her sneezing into her hands, wiping them on her apron and then serving up some yummy cakes. It's brought back a memory of dodgy goings on with the food in a certain halls of residence that I once worked in.  Hygiene is over-rated anyway, its just a task for those with a lack of understanding of how the immune system really works. 

Ah now this woman, with a tonne of make up, fake tanned, about 50 something with a nice suit on. She is someone's PA.  Efficient and dedicated to her work, she no doubt is good at what she does.  She looks fierce though, you wouldn't mess with her.  Attractive though, I bet there is a flirtatious relationship with the boss but I'm sure nothing has happened between them, she might not be married, but is he? 

Cable cars!

On the cable cars of San Francisco it's more 'Mind everything!' than 'mind the gap.' 'Stand clear of the doors'? Well, there are no doors.  'Hold on to the handrail'?  Yes, definitely - especially make sure the hands are not sweaty for a better grip.
After a 45 minute wait and a charge of $6 you have to question why you'd want to board a rickety wooden contraption on wheels that gets yanked up and down the hills of San Francisco by an underground cable system.  But once on board and standing on the edge and leaning out in the way of traffic you realise there really is no better way to go.  The cable car is probably the most exciting way to travel.  

There are four Chinese people sitting near me and the cable car man is giving them advice on where to eat in Chinatown, which is on this route. He told them to make sure to prod their food with chopsticks to make sure it's dead first and to be sure to ask where the meat comes from. They are finding this hilarious and have just burst into a fit of laughter. I'm not sure if they are laughing at the accent he put on whilst saying this, the fact he assumed they were going to china town or whether it was the dead food thing.  Perhaps they are actually the ones making a delivery of seagulls from the pier, they do have rather large bags.
A couple just got on at Lombard street and the woman rudely pushed her way into my spot, which she regretted when she realised how difficult it is to hold on as the car hurtles down the hill! She is now squealing in my ear whilst the man who got on with her is trying to hold on casually and is mocking her screaming. A quick glance at his now bright red hand is enough to see he is not all that calm about the situation either. It's one of the few places where you don't hear the automated 'hold on to the handrails message', but this is certainly the place to do so. The boy in front is trying to take a picture with his iPhone, which is making me nervous because he is only holding it with two fingers. I wish so much I had a camera with a strap or something because there are some great views on this journey.  

 
In a world now obsessed with health and safety, it's quite refreshing to be standing on something that has only one safety feature - a set of wooden blocks that can be dug into the rails to stop the car in an emergency. I wonder if my travel insurance covers this ride, after all this is basically just an elaborate game of chicken where the aim of the game is to not be hit by car wing mirrors as we whizz up and down the hills. We just had very close call with a truck that was coming up the other hill on Powell.  You just can't see anything when you get near to the top of a hill or to a corner because of all the tall buildings and so it's basically a case of bashing on ahead whilst a little bell attached to the roof rings loudly, and wooden blocks hover just above the ground at the ready should something get in the way.  I hope these drivers aren't percussionists, this would not be the place for playing woodblocks out of time! 

The smell of the wood burning as it rubs along the road is actually a really nice one, but just keep in mind that this is the smell of an obstacle a few feet down the hill from you...

From the Californian Zephyr part 2

16th August: Glenwood springs. We have just stopped somewhere in e rockies not far from Glenwood springs. The scenery today has been amazing! Much much more interesting than the first part. The trains here are huge, every now and again we pass a train with over 100 carriages of freight, roughly about a mile long.  Running late today because a crane fell on the track. Unlike in the U.K there is no compensation for being 3hr late, they actually state on the website that they are not responsible for running on time.  Anyway what's 3hrs on to a 60hr train journey. Plenty more curious characters on board today. 

3pm: I'just had the most ridiculous conversation with an American from Chicago, who is in the military. He is heading to Glenwood springs for some sort of reunion. He, like many Americans, thinks that the world revolves around them and it took some time to convince him of some of our differences. For the second time in two days I had to explain that not every country in the world uses the same plug sockets for example.  He just about died of shock when he saw my U.K phone charger and it's three pins.  Guns of course according to him are a basic necessity and we in the U.K are crazy to not have them. Ahh but then the medical science expert that was on yesterday would no doubt believe meditation would heal a gunshot wound anyway, so they are probably all fine. Now across the other side is a mother and teenage child, and t hey both have the most expensive looking camera's I've ever seen with all sorts of different gadgets to go with it. We just went through what is considered to be the most scenic part of e trip, and there they are Sitting playing cards!  Behind me is some annoying idiot who made a big song and dance about how he got a seat on the side of the train with the best view. Well he is looking at nothing other than the side of a mountain now. I'd have sympathy for him if he hadn't made such a fuss bragging about his view earlier. He has got one of these ridiculous cowboy hats on, I can't believe people actually where these things. Earlier, I was joined by two texans, which was obvious from the struggle that they had to go through just to fit into what I would say are pretty gigantic seats. They were nice though. They too had an expensive camera, but sadly did not know how to turn the timer function off, so they no doubt left with expensive shots of the best scenery 10 seconds after it had passed.  

6pm: The man in front of us is clearly loving this journey, as most of us are, however he just cannot keep it too himself. "wooow, ohhhh goshhhh, ooooh. Maryln, look, isn't it stunning, it's soo amazing , wow just look out of the window, god it looks so good when you look out of the window"(as supposed to looking out of ....?)  Marlyn seems slightly embarrassed to be sitting next to him (rightly so), and it has just become clear that she obviously did not agree to this trip. She just looked away from him with a look of disgust on her face. If she wants a divorce, I think she better wait another 25hrs before she tells him. 

8pm: In my room now thanks to an early upgrade.  Marigold is my room attendant. She is really nice and helpful. She just talked me through the function of a basic light switch. "the white button on the wall there, thats your light switch. Push it to the left, your light will go off. Push it back to the right, and your light will go on." I only wish she talked me through the air conditioning situation, its sliding control switch truly stumped me. The train journey couldn't really get any better, except it just has because my room is like a little observatory and I can lie here in the dark looking at the stars, they are soooo bright! 

From the Californian Zephyr

6 hrs into the journey so far, sitting in what they call the observation car, for the obvious reason that it's good for observing the scenery go by with the big glass windows up the side and roof of the train. There is quite a mixture of people here. At the moment, one man who is travelling by himself is talking to a couple about how he is an expert medical scientist. Meditation, he believes, is what all GP's should be recommending more often. Obviously this would cut costs to healthcare, but the true point of the matter is its proven ability to cure everything. Wow, we are so last year in the U.K. On the other side of the carriage, a sort of Texan American is sitting he looks ready to shoot someone, but I'm not too worried. He has started on the  alcohol a few hours ago, and keeps making jokes that aren't funny. His joke about crossing the Mississippi did confuse me though, and if he knew that then I'm sure at least he would be able to laugh.  It turns out that your really can't miss the mississippi.  It is rather wide. But before that moment, i was ready with camera fearing that I'd missed it each time we whizzed by a small trickle of water.  The view tonight is stunning. The sun is slowly setting inn thesky, which is now a nice orangey red colour shining over the state of Iowa, which in itself looks rather bland from here, but nevertheless I'm enjoying it.  A few places in front of me, a couple have obviously long ago decided never ever to cut or indeed touch their hair ever again. I've heard that if you leave it long enough, hair will start to clean itself or something. Well I don't know, but it's long, and smelly, its fine.  Further down is a German pair of guys who are traveling together across the states.  I met one of them earlier. He seemed a nice guy, he studies electronics in Germany. The second German that I've met today studying electronics.... Strange. Anyway, it turns out that they don't have much to say, and actually he is glued to the window with his camera. I wonder if you could somehow add the value of seeing such wonderful sights against the value of having great pictures of it, which is better? It seems to me that he has missed out. The point of being he is surely to sit back and take in the view, the rest google images can deal with, but I understand this, we all do it. God knows why. I tried to take a picture of the Mississippi and all I have is the blur of the bridge as we crossed over.  
Now back at my reserved seat, there is another collection of curious people. I haven't seen them in hours actually, they might think I've left, which is making me nervous because I have a good window seat there.  The thing with being on such a long train journey is that you obviously don.t want to be surronded by anooying people.  I kept telling myself that they weren.t annoying until one woman started discussing the issues with bears in Scotland (they had just watched Brave) Another woman decides to play her music. I suppose we have all been invited to listen to it, as she has opted not to be polite and use headphones.  Meanwhile, the couple on the other side proceed to slag the film off, which would have been ok until they claimed that the bears in the film were too far, since it was too scary.  The only other slightly annoying thing is Stacey from the dining car. She makes an announcement every now and again about dinner reservations. She speaks really really slowwwwwly and loudly going on about all her different options for eating, repeating everything at least twice as she goes. I thought it was an American thing but the guy next to me seemed to find her strange so I suppose it's not. 

 It's great though otherwise. Lots of chit chat with interesting people, lots of nice views. Comfy seats. What better way to spend a 24th birthday. I wish Stacey could do me a mojito. 

On the runway

Heathrow, gate 26: if there is anything to say about anyone, then a 777 full of Americans is probably the place to look. Already, an

Abundance of meaningless phrases are being thrown about 'thank you so much' ' I appreciate that' 'you are so welcome' How much is 'so much' anyway? The woman at the front of this economy class , you can just see straight away she is the type that phoned up to make sure she got the seat with extra legroom. Although its non of her business she is quite happily interfering with everyone else's seating arrangements as they walk by. Shush woman, no you do not work here. Meanwhile, everyone else more or less fall into the following categories: we have the loud Americans - both the pleasant and the unpleasant. The stroppy British, standing waiting politely whilst muttering to themselves about the stupid people in front who are struggling to find their seat. I wonder, is it the letters or the numbers that they struggle more with? Or perhaps it's the challenging combination of the two. Well it's all happening to the nice relaxing moonlight sonata,   which is now playing for the third time. Ready for   takeoff! Oh, no hang on, someone's on the wrong flight. I am sympathetic with the man, I tried to find gate 26A before realising that was my seat number. 
 Whilst this is all going on I've now realised my  spontaneous $5 purchase for live tv to watch the  Olympic closing ceremony has been wasted since  it will only show live American tv, and the  Americans aren't getting to see it live. :-( 

White Ace in the morning

8am. Kings Cross: A man gets on with a bag of bamboo sticks.  He stands there with a couple of them in his hands and out of the blue has just started waving them about like a mad man.  What on earth is he doing? He is now waving them up and down at the tube map as if the map has just done something to offend him. Maybe he is colour blind.  Surely he is going to hit someone, sit down silly man!

Another woman is sitting doing some knitting and has obviously made a lot of effort to look British today with bright red and blue colours on. She could be a tesco employee though. A man is reading the paper and has headphones in.  He is sitting next to a woman who is also wearing headphones and is staring at her feet. Everything tells me that these two do not know each other apart from the fact they are actually having a conversation. He doesn't look at her and I can hear his music. How does this work then?
Finsbury Park: Orange orange orange appears to be the theme of the group that just got on. Two with orange t-shirts, one with orange flowers in her hair and one with orange sunglasses, the Dutch have arrived! Somehow their arrival on the tube has gone unnoticed and they are blending in quite well.  (More so than the British/Tesco employee sitting opposite!)
Meanwhile, a woman is drinking from a 3 litre bottle of something. It has caught my attention a few times. She is trying to be discreet. What is she drinking?  She must be about 50 or so, very smartly dressed although her hair is a mess. She is trying to sort the hair, I wish she wouldn't though because there are bits of god knows what falling out of it, why can't people sort themselves out before traveling! In her bag is a fancy looking diary and some other documents. She has taken the diary out twice and shuffled her documents about, but hasn't actually looked at any of them. The bottle is now by her feet, hidden in a bag.  Ahh, I've just seen 'www.drinkaware.com' written on the side. She bends down to take another drink, trying to hide what I can now see is 7.5% cider at the bargain price of £3.45! Now that is happy hour prices, but at this time of morning??  I wonder how many other people are currently drinking before work?

Who gets the seat?

Piccadilly line, 1pm: Hot and sweaty on the tube today, as always. Papers scattered everywhere but nobody seems to care. Everyone is reading, the girl next to me had a smile on her face, I feel like she wonders what I'm doing. 

Holborn: A mixture of old and young people get on but no seats are available and none offered. An old man stands looking almost a bit bitter at this lack of respect, which is conflicting with his aggressive tough man look suggesting he'd be offended to be considered weak enough to need a seat anyway.   A woman pretends to read the metro whilst peering over the top looking about either to see where she is or because she is amused with the rest of us. Just made eye contact with the man opposite, he looked back awkwardly, it's not acceptable for men to make eye contact according to this man. 
Russel Square: Tourists get on. They can only be tourists. They look thoroughly unsatisfied, Londoners know not to bother with that look anymore and by the looks of things they just made the mistake of declining to use the lift in the station. They no doubt believed they could easily manage the 175 step spiral staircase in the station, a mistake people only make once at this stop I should imagine.  Meanwhile, I wonder if the sleeping guy down the other end has long missed his stop? An older woman checks her diary. It looks empty from here but some people do like to try and look important!

 

Kings Cross: A woman with a bright orange top gets on, she looks like one of these busy body types, fussing about with her iPod as if it were alive and might respond differently to being handled so violently. She glares at it, and shoogles it about, hoping for it to play a better song perhaps. I'm sure the iPod is unaffected by this although Apple might do well to consider setting up a support group if not for the products themselves, for the owners who treat them like some sort of broken wind-up toy.

Holloway road: Messy guy gets on all covered in paint. Think he is drinking beer, which is ok.  I think afternoon drinking should be encouraged in the summer (and winter). But then he takes the daily star out and as if it makes it more acceptable, flips it to the sport side. As if the backside of such a paper would have any more credibility. A rather big guy gets on, he is perched on one of the side seats with a grin on his face. He manages to make himself look a bit guilty, a morning spent at Dixie chicken, no doubt. I personally prefer KFC. Mmmmmmmmmmm.

Solitude on the Underground

Piccadilly line - Westbound (which is confusing by the way if you happen to be on the section that runs north/south through the centre of London! Interesting evening on a relatively quiet tube tonight. Everyone seems rather thoughtful. There are only around 25 people in the carriage, it would be interesting to know what they are all thinking. The woman opposite looks tired of life. Not even enough energy to look tired or upset, just lacking any sort of emotion and probably quite happy just to sit and do nothing on the tube. 

Apart from the fact I'm sitting here blogging about her, the tube is quite a private place to be really. People don't talk to each other, mobile phones more or less still don't work on the tube, and you can't even look out the window at anything.  The only links with the real world is via a pre-recorded 'Mind the gap' message that plays at regular intervals and even then I'm sure that is just a clever combination of train like echo's that have traveled through the underground network.  Stripped of the distractions of the world above, this therefore is probably a good place for some peaceful reflection time, which is clearly why this woman is here.  Perhaps TFL could introduce Oyster Solitude, an oyster card for people that just want to get away from it all. Obviously lines such as the circle line would need to be cheaper, forgetting for a moment the shambolic service it offers, it isn't even fully underground.

A man sits laughing to himself, I think he is laughing at the drunk man who fell into the doorway as he tried to get on the train. Or  possibly he is laughing at the face I pulled as the drunk man fell in the door.  There are plenty of seats but the drunk man has chosen to stand, I'm not even going to speculate as to why this drunk is here since I'm not even sure he knows.

Russell square: A man gets on with the largest suitcase I've ever seen, he simply must be American. This train is heading to Heathrow, but surely he won't be returning to the states tonight, it is too late for the last flight. This is obviously an American take on a backpacking trip around Europe, except he has replaced the backpack with a portable home. 

A slim woman sits with a McDonald's.  Perhaps she preferred a change of lifestyle. 

Holborn: A chatty couple get on, I don't think they are together. They are discussing how each tube line differs "the central line is hot" yes well aren't they all? She is looking forward to her birthday wine when she gets home, and I wonder if he is invited to join her. She has just suggested that the wine is for a special occasion. He is trying to work out what this means and hasn't yet responded to that comment.  Is he that special occasion? Well it's not my place to say, but really? Leicester square: they get off.  I hope he hasn't made any silly assumptions.

The woman opposite continues to sit staring aimlessly into space, possibly wishing she had an oyster solitude card, as she will have now incurred a zone 1 charge to her journey, which I'd imagine wouldn't happen with the Solitude card.

The Olympics have begun

Day one of the Olympics. Finsbury park, midday. Fairly busy already. Everyone looks miserable. Didn't they see the ceremony last night?? One woman is standing, she is wearing denim shorts that aren't quite long enough to cover her bum. She has however bothered to put shoes on, which is a wise precaution for tube travel.
Highbury and Islington: Very busy now, which makes sense as its one of the connections to Stratford, where they olympic stadium is located. A really horrible smell has boarded. Down the carriage a woman is holding a can of juice of some sort. It's almost like she is trying to drink it , but at the same time she actually looks like she is going to be sick into it, she is holding the can very close to her mouth. She doesn't look well at all.
Kings cross: Tube is now full. Boris Johnson has just made an announcement about checking before you travel, this advice is coming a bit late, we are indeed mid travel at this point, amusing all the same. A small man is wedged in the doorway, I've never seen someone look so frightened! I think he is enjoying the experience though. He is the right height for it, fits nicely under the curvature of the door.  A concerned looking lady is shouting/nagging at her husband. I assume it's a husband, women don't seem to treat anyone else in this way.  It seems that she can't follow where they are on the tube map and is somehow taking it out on him.  He probably doesn't know where they are either, but is keeping a calm face whilst completely ignoring her.

 
Oh my god, someone is reading the metro, on a Saturday!? London may be a large and busy city but it's incredibly predictable. People wear suits and read metros on weekdays only. Perhaps it's yesterdays. Maybe the tube cleaner was at the opening ceremony? 
Euston: A man is standing in the middle of the carriage. He isn't holding on. Such a daredevil.  He is looking around out of curiosity, trying to maintain balance without holding on, he just smiled at me... Why did he do that? Actually I think I smiled at him. I think we have engaged in some flirtatious glances without me knowing.  I do struggle to hide my facial expressions, and the smiling is more me still amused at the small man wedged in the doorway, he is however rather attractive - the balancing man not the doorway one. Maybe he knows I'm writing about him, which actually is a little weird when you think about it. 
Warren Street: Another man sits listening to music. He is making faces and obviously hasn't realised everyone is watching. Sticking his tongue out, screwing up his eyes, making different facial expressions, watching himself in the reflection of the window. He has unusual dimensions. Quite a large hair style, but then a tiny little head and quite a long and thin body.  He looks like an upside down mop, actually he'd probably get a part in the that scene from the sorcerers apprentice as one of the brooms, if he wanted it that is.

'It's a great time to be British'

Victoria line 14.33

Euston: Fairly busy today and everyone is quiet as usual. Somebody smells quite nice, which makes a change down here. Perhaps TFL should create a new position for such people. A nice smelling person to simply sit on the tube during peak and summer time.  Ooh they could even have different fragrances on each line.

Kings cross: Sweaty pong returns, dream over. It's not as busy as I'd expect given that the Olympics are fast approaching, although it's quite clear most people here are at least in the spirit of the Olympics, dressed with the team GB t-shirts, which I'm becoming more and more keen to purchase. Actually, I'd quite like a lot of the 2012 merchandise, especially the diving rubber duck!

 
On the theme of Team GB, an advert for British Airways "Don't fly, Support team GB" What on earth? Who are these morons that come up with ideas like this?

Highbury and Islington: One woman appears to be reading a blank book, very curious. Maybe she has special vision or something, or maybe she is easily pleased. She has spent some time now looking at the Purple coloured page at the back of the book. Maybe it's a form of therapy, or more likely she needs it? She might just be looking for inspiration. Perhaps this was how the 'Don't fly' thing came about.  Further down, a fat man is reading the metro. The front cover says 'it's a great time to be British' I'm not sure I agree although it's certainly an exciting time to be here in London. Another man is sitting listening to something on his headphones. He just pulled a really stroppy face. I wonder what kind of music brings that face out in people, or what has he just thought of? An argument earlier in the day? Or maybe he has just realised payday isn't actually till after the weekend like I did earlier.  He looks too local to be bothered about the tube, he must be used to all that. Perhaps he has just imagined meeting the fool behind that Don't fly advert.

Bank branch

Sunday, 3pm
Busy here! Almost like rush hour. I blame the tourists.  Well they look like tourists, although nobody appears to be consulting maps, only tourists could wear such ridiculous clothes. I don't mean the nonsense that these fools that think they are fashionable wear. No no, it's Hawaiian shirts and big camera's and families with matching t-shirts.  Perhaps these people should have looked up how not to look like an idiot before arriving in London.  Further down the carriage one guy sits perched up on the bench at the end of the carriage trying to look casual, I'm waiting on him falling off, he doesn't look stable at all!  He doesn't have the type of face that deserves sympathy anyway, he somehow manages to look like he hates us all.

Angel proves to be a popular stop, many get off, but are quickly replaced.  There is a couple standing right in front of me now. Awkward. He is standing over her, playing with her hair and looking right in my direction. He looks bored. She is moaning about something, he clearly doesn't care and meanwhile I'm sitting below the falling debris from her head.  What is it with woman and long hair, it gets everywhere.  Ooh a lady with a massive Tupperware box with what looks like a really big cookie inside! I want some! AHHHH she is getting off at Kings Cross. Come back!

Some curious characters getting on here at Kings Cross as well as a few poadgey blokey men. Clearly they have been drinking already, I can smell it. They also clearly make a habit of it judging by their waist size.... They get off at Euston. Trains go to Glasgow from Euston, I wonder if they are Glasweigan? Next stop Camden, relatively normal crowd now considering. Actually that explains some of the curious characters that got on earlier. I'm betting they will get off at Camden. *waits*  Train approaches Camden..... No movement yet.... Doors open... And there they go. Camden really does attract some strange people! *Sneaks off behind them*

Further reading:

http://www.wikihow.com/Avoid-Looking-Like-an-American-Tourist

Evening on the Victoria Line

7.30pm. There is a youngish woman standing right at the end of the carriage, wearing a hat. God she looks miserable. The expensive clothes she appears to be wearing don't seem to make her happy. Sometimes people can look more miserable than they actually are I suppose.  Highbury and Islington: Grumpy cow leaves, she isn't replaced. I hope her hat doesn't getting blown off as the train leaves the station, then again perhaps it's exactly what she needs.

At the other end of the carriage, two young ladies/girls sit beside each other, one is on her phone, the other sits looking bored chewing on gum and picking hairs off of her clothes. Modern day friendship? Maybe the one on the phone is texting the other. Opposite me, a young man sings to himself. One of these border line awkward social situations. No reason why he can't, but weird nevertheless that he is. It's not a big deal, his voice is hidden by the rattle of the tube. He seems happy. Good for him, I wonder how he sounds. He has just picked up a takeaway bag ewwww. Looks like one of those Indian takeaway things. Old? Well it can't be fresh, I've never seen a takeaway on the Victoria line before.

Picadilly Line

Manor house: Quiet half filled carriage this bank holiday, only 2 girls talking, one holding a big white box like the kind that may have a cake in! She hasn't offered to share any yet however, greedy bitch.  Some people get on at finsbury park. People carefully select the seats that don't have anyone sitting next to then and some stay standing afraid to use the other seats. One tall woman is not put off and takes the seat next to me, at least she doesn't smell. She brings out a map. TOURIST! At least the map itself doesn't look overly touristy. She is using the index. I like this. she manages to make it look like she is casually reading some novel. 2 more on at arsenal. A guy with trousers below his bum and bottoms turned up over his shoe. Has he not understood the function of trousers or do they just not fit over that massive bum of his. The map reader is flicking the pages back and forth quickly. She is getting flustered now, which is unsurprising given that the map looks more suited to aviation navigation with all these weird lines on it - no not the roads! Coming to kings cross, the carriage is quite chatty now! Definitely a bank holiday! Working London does not talk and travel. Map woman now scratching her head. She is confused for sure. The cake people leave followed by map woman and others.

A woman that got on earlier and left baggage at the door is now sleeping. Freebies? A large man is sitting looking at the tube map above, looking more lost in himself than lost on the tube. I wonder if he really cares where he is going. An older woman at the other side got on at Russell square she has one of those scary old woman faces and glasses to match but also appears to have a grandson, which makes her less scary somehow, unless she is the mum in which case I feel sorry for the son. She just looked at me over the rim of her glasses. A man got on earlier with a bag covered in badges. He just referred to one of them as if it was a new addition but somehow I don't think so, they all look very old and battered to me.  A man has just stood up to look at the tube map carefully - another lost tourist. He is trying the casual approach and it just isn't working, having not made progress he continues to stand as if he actually just wanted to stretch his legs and admire the pretty colours on the map. He got off at Piccadilly circus, I imagine that is where he wanted to be. Bonus points to him if he follows the way out sign properly, not sure that he has though.

Victoria Line at Xmas

Finsbury park: Busy already! London is crazy with Xmas shopping! Couple sitting opposite me seem a bit odd, the guy is smiling at something, they are the most unlikely match, maybe they are brother and sister. She is too attractive for him either way. A pair of guys further down are drinking something out of a thermo flask. Dodgy task on a tube, but sensible in this cold weather. 2 chatty women get on at highbury and Islington. Always nice for someone to break the London underground silence. Another woman doing her makeup, is she using time efficiently or is this just yet more stupidity. I mean really, some tasks should not be done on the tube. But then.maybe I should give more credit to her ability to do that so well with all the bouncing about. Then again, I haven't seen her face... Kings cross: someone smells. Euston: nothing to report other than the state of one mans hair, it really is a disgusting mess. His glasses don't help his look either. Warren street: Chatty girl declares she feels 'horrible'. Her trousers are dirty that's for sure. The sister/wife opposite is also looking at chatty girl with a smile, what has she seen??