Oyster Talk

People sitting with a look of a misery, ready to snap if you stand in the wrong place or sit in the seat that you should have offered or spent too long staring at the map. We are generally not very supportive of each other on the underground.  Perhaps it's time for the 'Oyster Talk' scheme, which would put an end to these strange silences on the underground trains. The carriages could be themed.  There might be the 'I hate my job' carriage(s) where perhaps people can discuss and maybe even trade jobs with each other. There could be the 'I'm new to London and want to meet new friends' carriage, which could also be known as the 'speed dating carriage for losers.' (let's face it, if you actually planned to take a train journey just to meet new people, that would be weird, but quite useful in a way. ) There might be the 'shut up and get out of my way, I'm hungover' carriage, which could also be known as the quiet carriage.  You'd need separate carriages for husbands and wife's, perhaps even they'd be going in different directions depending on the extent of the relationship troubles.  The 'advice' carriage could be in the Middle. Everyone needs some advice and guidance now and again, imagine getting it from strangers in the middle of a train on a morning commute. It could become the ultimate support network for the general day to day things that we encounter.  A chance to talk and reflect on whatever it is that is on peoples minds.  Either it will make us a happier, well informed and advised bunch of commuters, or it would just spread doom and gloom. I suppose it depends if we are an overly optimistic or pessimistic nation. 

Obviously smelly people would be completely banned from the whole scheme. The oyster talk card might have a slogan 'shower before rush hour, or walk.' No, it's not catchy, but if it 'raises standards' then that's all good. 

The circle line would be completely dedicated to a different sort of person.  It will be for the likes of the person that comes up with these ridiculous adverts for BA (if I wanted a lemon, I'd probably just buy a lemon from the shop thanks),  call centre people, weather forecasters (except for Carol from BBC), tourists, people that get in the way and people that tweet more than 6 times a day.  You'd probably encourage people that blog to go there too although it would depend on the blog.  There would obviously need to be health considerations.  With that many annoying people confined into one tube line you'd probably need an exclusion zone for peak time. Actually, there is probably a good case for this being on one of the tube lines than runs deeper underground for sake of health and safety.  

Oyster Talk. Coming soon.