9.35pm The big arm man is now talking non stop. 'What football team do you support, which part of London are you from. blahhh blahh blahh i know everything about London....blah blah blah i know everything about Bristol' I'm not impressed. It's been a long day. I could do without the chatter.
10pm The pilot announces they are just fiddling about with the fuel gauge, which doesn't seem to be working
10.25pm Still not left yet, bright idea from the pilot - restart the computer on the plane. *Everything goes dark*
10.40pm The restart didn't work so now they are looking for a new fuel gauge thing to plug in.
Midnight. Sitting in the airport. The new fuel gauge thing is coming from Atlanta to Minneapolis.
12.10 Delta announce that they will kindly issue $50 vouchers for us to purchase food. The airport food shops are now closed.
12.11 Confrontation with Patricia from Delta airlines. Poor old Pat struggles to defend the decision to issue vouchers that cannot actually be used and meanwhile one of the other airport staff finds the whole experience of handing out vouchers so stressful he dumps his little computer on the ground, picks up his wee rucksack and announces that he is going home.
12.13 Angry mob attacking Pat, who is now seeming confused as to why people are upset.
12.14 One of those loud mouth morons appears from somewhere in the mob of people wearing these ridiculously large headphones, and decides to join Pat's side. Well thanks Mr Delta. Nothing worse than someone who always see's the positive in things when quite clearly this is not a positive situation. Do you intend to eat your flight voucher?
12.30 Flirtatious chat with the more friendly looking Delta man. Managed to agree a hotel and later flight, but less successful in securing an upgrade to the comfy seats in first class.
12.32 Stupidly decide to turn down the offer of a flight the next day with the ridiculous notion that departing at 3am would actually turn out to be a better move, if only I could have seen into the future.
3am The first set of cabin crew have long since been sent home. Now lying under some seats at the gate trapped inside a delta blanket.
3.30am back on board at seat 21c, the seat I so proudly obtained 7hrs earlier. Big arms returns and immediately starts talking again although at this point the distraction is welcome.
4.30am Believe it or not, still sitting in Minneapolis. The man opposite, like all of us is very angry although he is himself starting to become annoying as he will shout 'fucking fuckers, stop fucking talking' every time the pilot makes announcements to tell us we will be leaving shortly.
Two guys on the other side of the plane are actually really getting on my nerves too because one of them has the most ridiculous laugh. Such a piercing squeal every few minutes. How the hell do they have the energy to do that for 7hrs already? Perhaps we can plug his face into the plane, that might get things moving.
5.30 Has the world ended? Still not left. The delta logo is now imprinted on my bum. Will a photo of this sent to delta customers services help my compensation claim?
5.40 Departing for New York now. Yes New York. But isn't this a flight to London? 'Good evening (you mean morning? and what exactly is good about it?) ladies and gentleman we are now making our way for departure to New York, flight time of 2hrs (as if this was always part of the plan) we will serve a dinner service shortly after take off' (so at 7am then?)
7am Delta serve what they call dinner.
8am Arrive in new york, all that flying has tired out the pilots and this apparently the reason for our diversion to JFK so that we can get 2 new pilots. Delta make an announcement to welcome us to New York and thank us for our business....
8.30am New pilots arrive. Some airport staff come on board to empty bins etc.
9am Announcement that doors are about to close and that ground staff should leave the plane.
9.05am Announcement to the missing ground staff who has not appeared to leave the plane.
9.09am A man wearing a JFK airport hoodie appears from the back toilet with a bag of rubbish, and quietly leaves the plane. Doors closed
9.20 Pilot announces that we are waiting on a 'tidbit' of information from the computer and then we will be on our way.
9.50 Did he mean a gigatidbit, we wonder? Still waiting.
10am Still at the gate, still not moved. Still in seat 21C. Big arms is just about crying. Fuckity fuck man is still shouting 'Fuck off' every time an announcement is made and his wife is now joining in as supposed to trying to calm him down as she did for the first 11hrs. I now have delta logo on forehead from having my head on the seat in front of me. I think the laughing man has died, thankfully.
10.10 Cabin crew calmly announce that they understand that we must be frustrated and that this new york flight will leave soon. (no longer any mention of the fact that this is a minneapolis flight!)
10.45 Take off to London!
7pm [London time] The sun has set once again. Breakfast roll served. (The second of two food services on what has now been an 18hr flight)
10pm [5hrs time difference] Arrive in London. Plane thumps down on runway, pilot apologises for the rough landing. Delta thank us for our business (again)
If anyone fancies that experience, please let me know, I have a $100 voucher for them.
